Make your husband comfortable with your pregnancy with these tips

Did you know that having a baby is one of the most stressful times a woman can go through? You probably do. But did you know that having a baby is one of the most stressful times a man can go through? You are probably raising an eyebrow right now - how does pregnancy even affect your husband, huh? He looks like his life hasn’t even changed - look at him, he’s sprawled on the sofa watching a stupid cricket match while you are feeling hot and sweaty and could kill for another hour of uninterrupted sleep. But before you start losing it, understand that your pregnancy is difficult for him too, and prepare him about the days ahead with these tips.

Teach him just how your body is changing

He probably knows it actually. Your husband is far more aware of your body than you are - at least outwardly. So it is a tad difficult for him to take the bulging belly and the swollen ankles. He’s probably excited about how your breasts are getting bigger, but that bump scares him, whether or not he admits it.

Sit him down and explain to him what your body is going through. Tell him that there’s nothing to be scared of - he can touch the bump and the baby won’t get hurt. Tell him that sex is fine too (but check with your doctor before you get his hopes high) and this is a great time to try a different position. Touch him - both sexually and non-sexually - when you can. The grown-up child you married is quite stressed, and maybe a little scared, about the changes he sees in your body. Reassure him that this is a perfectly normal thing and your body will soon get back to what he remembers.

Difficult, but keep your outbursts down

Okay, we get that it is a very difficult ask, and none of your hormonal outbursts are within your control. You have every right to be irritable or burst into tears any time you feel like it. But the man really cannot understand what is happening. He had a hard time dealing with your PMS, and what’s happening now is a great deal worse than that for him.

You can’t help it, we know. But tell him that it isn’t him. Tell him it’s your hormones and you don’t really intend to scream at him. Tell him you aren’t doing this purposely. Apologise - it makes him feel better. But, if possible, vent your anger or frustration elsewhere - in a diary perhaps. He will still annoy the hell out of you, but cut him some slack. He has no idea why a woman’s uterus makes her scream.

Don’t always say no

If you think your life is changing after you got pregnant, think about him. He suddenly has a wife who can’t do things like before, who’s screaming murder for no apparent reason, and who says no to everything. Whatever happened to the woman he married?

Yes, it’s difficult for you now, but don’t always say no. If he wants to go on a short spin around the neighbourhood in the car with you, go, unless you absolutely can’t. Sit with him when he watches that boring football match. Stare at the screen and fantasise about a holiday, but let him feel that you are doing something with him. Check with your doctor if you can have sex - and at least give it a try if he asks you for it. Have a laugh about the new pregnant sex positions you have to adopt. Be around - he’s still looking for his best friend in you.

Talk money

One of the most stressful things your husband goes through once you are pregnant is planning the finances. He has probably heard horror stories from his friends about how expensive it is to have the baby, and his nurturer instinct has kicked in and he wants to get as much financial security as possible. In fact, this could be the thought that’s on his mind even as he’s sleeping.

Talk to him. It’ll help him voice his concerns, think out aloud and maybe find solutions. Plan your finances together. Tell him that you can maybe cut down on a few things. Help him plan the expenses - not just for the baby, but also for your general household budget. Don’t immediately tell them that you’ll stop paying for his favourite TV channel or cancel his magazine subscription. Tell him that you will work out a plan and make subtle changes here and there to make sure finances stay in control. Remind him that you are in this together.

Prepare him for what is to come

Don’t just give him a parenting book to read. He won’t even be interested in reading it, and he’ll probably stop midway. Instead of doing that, tell him what is to come. Tell him that you both need to take turns with the baby and that he needs to learn how to change diapers. He’ll find it disgusting to begin with, but be patient. He probably has no paternal instinct yet, and he cannot imagine wiping the baby’s poo.

Watch some YouTube videos together and have a good laugh about other clumsy dads. Put in a serious discussion here and there about how your body will change in the following months. Tell him all about how your body might be revolting against any activity after you have the baby. Talk about post-delivery menstruation. Prepare him for what to expect, but believe us, he still has no idea.

But don’t turn it into a horror story. Tell him that there will be wonderful days too. There will be days when the baby is not grumpy so he can practise his photography skills on the baby. Or how you can even assemble their Mechanix toys because the baby won’t be ready for those toys in a long time.

Also prepare him emotionally

It is very common for husbands to start feeling neglected after the baby comes along. They start thinking that you no longer have time for them, and they can be really sulky babies when they think this way. Start reassuring him even before your delivery. Tell them that you value them, and how you cannot imagine bringing up the baby without his support. Make him feel important, make him feel like he’s your rock. And reassure him that you are only focusing on the baby because you know your husband is a strong enough man who can take care of himself. Say you’ll need him to help you - make him think that you are completely lost without him.

You know how you read about your husband being your older baby? It’s actually quite true. They may not be telling you this, but your pregnancy is just as scary for them, although in different ways altogether. Be a little patient, give him some time, and he will get as comfortable with the big life-changing event as you are.

Feature Image Source: Family Share