Helping your husband be an involved father

Helping your husband be an involved father

Helping your husband be an involved father:

First of all, it is very important to understand that dads are not supposed to help, they are supposed to share the responsibility. There is a difference between sharing responsibility and helping. Helping implies that the primary responsibility is on the mother, which is not the correct way to look at it.

The third trimester is the best time for you to spend time as a couple. It is very important to understand that men too have a lot of concerns about becoming a dad. Therefore, when you are sharing your fears, you must encourage your husband to express his. Respect his misgivings about being a father, because for him, they are very real fears. These concerns root from the fact that they don’t have the same physical connection with the child as mothers do.

Understand that not all men are comfortable with babies. This comes from the way our society is structured. For years now, men were not expected to participate in bringing up of the child, this was considered the woman’s job. That’s what men see as they grow, and that’s what leaves them clueless about how to be around babies.

If you are expecting him to be involved, you should talk to him and make clear the nature of involvement. This way, your husband is assured his participation will not be considered meddlesome, which is what worries your husband the most – the feeling of being useless.

Here are some things you can do to help your husband become an involved father:

  • Talk to your husband about how your lives are going to change once the baby comes.This means that there are some aspects of running the household that he needs to take up, without any doubt. If either of you have very demanding jobs, then discuss how to adjust those schedules when the baby comes.
  • If you are a part of a joint family, you may face slight resistance from the in-laws when it comes to involving your husband. Explain the need for your husband to face quality time with the child to your in-laws politely but firmly.
  • Some men are clueless when it comes to baby and duties related to them. In such a case, sit together and research them, make a list and discuss them. If your husband draws a line at certain baby duties, then respect those boundaries. Look for other tasks that he can do.
  • When the baby comes, allow your husband to spend some alone time with the baby. Men can be really creative when it comes to handling a baby and they have their own unique methods to bond with the baby. If you respect and appreciate that dynamic between father and child, then your husband will be more eager to spend more time. To sum it all, don’t judge your husband’s techniques.
  • If you are lucky enough, then grab some time to spend with one another and to reconnect as a couple by either leaving the child with grandparents or when the child is asleep.

Always remember, parenthood is team work, and you need to support one another.