Child birth can be gross! There, we said it!

It was a snowy afternoon and my husband and I were both ready for an appointment we had with my gyneac. The check up went well and we happened to meet an old friend at the hospital, who’s wife was carrying her second baby. After the usual meet and greet, Mr. X (don’t wish to disclose name), pulled aside my hubby and whispered-‘ Childbirth can be the grossest thing’! My husband looked both terrified and intrigued.

Now, if you are fuming at him for having said this, you sure have been exposed only to the rosy side of baby birth. Here are examples of some of the grossest things you need to gear up for, during childbirth.

1. The shit

Labour does not just mean pushing your baby out, it also means a lot of poop and pee. Yes! As your contractions get harder and you have the urge to push, you will also push out your poop. What’s worse? You will blissfully be unaware of it! There, we see you frowning!

2. The episiotomy

A woman’s body is made for child rearing, but that in no way means your baby would slide out without leaving a scar in your body. If it is a c-section, the abdomen gets the stitches and if it is a normal delivery, be prepared to get sutured all the way from your vagina to your ass. And we don’t even want to get into the details about the first postpartum poop!

3. Your baby

Thanks to movies and ads we all imagine newborns to looks like prim and perfect. But no! After the nine-month journey what you push out will, first of all, look nothing like you, plus you will see he/she covered with a lot of fluids and blood. And there is no way you can boast about your baby’s perfect head because it only comes out looking like an ice cream cone!

4. The mucus plug

One of the first signs of labour, the rupture of the mucus plug, prepares you for all other things gross and gory. The one that kept your baby safe had to be ruptured, only to get your parts smelly, bloody and messy. But wait! This will definitely seem less horrific, as the worst comes much after.

5. Dilation check

And lastly, the dilation checks! While this is the only way to check how well you are progressing in your labour, it is the grossest too. Your practitioner will have her hands down there in your business and will be thankful enough for the person who invented gloves. And you are sure to be grossed, dying in pain and disgusted, hoping your baby finds his way out soon!  

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