Why I had the second child

You know how when you tell people you are pregnant; they get all happy and congratulate you? How they suddenly start chatting away about how you are feeling, whether you want a boy or a girl, etc?

Well it didn’t happen to me, not the second time around for sure!

The first time yes, because after no “good news” despite being married for 5 years and gaining weight over that time people had begun to assume I was having problems getting pregnant! I just cannot understand why people will not assume that maybe I didn’t want a child then. Anyways, so basically first time around it was like awesome news and everyone was happy and excited for me.

The second time around what I got was sympathetic looks or apprehensive expressions (like they didn’t know whether to be happy for me or sorry!) Most reactions were, “So you planned for this one or ……” Yes the question was more a fill in the blanks, like people were afraid to upset me by reminding me about the “accident”. Come on, have you not heard of protection!!! Some people even had a good laugh, like I was a nut job to be having two kids in today’s time and age.

But no, I chose to have the second baby and with good reason. I grew up with a younger brother and all my uncles and aunts had two children each, one had three! So I always knew that as a way of life. My husband though was a single child and was happy with one child. It took quite some convincing to get him to see why having two kids is awesome (he was one of the major reasons, though I couldn’t really tell him that!) So here was the case I presented:

As a parent with two kids:

  • You get more time with the kids

Parents don’t have favourites; at least they should not ideally. But kids do have favourites and that is no hidden fact, and they tend to spend more time with him/ her. With two kids you get to spend time with them in turns or together, meaning you get so much more time.

  • You bond better with your kids

As a parent (read mostly fathers) you tend to let the person in-charge of taking care to always be in-charge. Once you have two kids though you have to be in-charge more often which helps you bond better with the children.

  • You learn to let go a little more

As a mother we all are a little inclined to holding on a little too tight to our little ones and for a little while longer. With two you have to let go a little and you realise if not to perfection, others do a pretty ok job!

  • You get time-off even if you don’t have toys or other care-givers to engage the little ones

Taking time off now is just easier. You can be there and still do your own thing because they have each other to talk to and play with.

  • You are a more confident parent and enjoy the journey

The first time around even the coolest of people do feel the nerves. Beginning from the pregnancy to actual raising the baby you are a little unsure and looking around for help. With the second kid, it is more of been there and done that so you are more confident as a parent. Are you planning to have 2 children? Then prepare your first child with these tips

A second baby in the house is as much a big deal for the sibling as it is for the parents. With enough love and care showered on the elder child despite the second one coming you can keep at bay the jealousy which is bound to creep in. Work on that and the elder one is thrilled to have a sibling just like the younger one will be

As one with a sibling:

  • You have someone to play with right at home. How cool is that? You don’t need to beg friends and parents for sleepovers and pyjama parties! You don’t need to make an imaginary one to play games because you always have one at home.
  • You now have someone else to think about too, starting from choices on ice cream flavours to cartoons to watch. This does make one consider others likes and dislikes too and makes one a little more selfless.
  • In smaller families, children do tend to get used to having their way; especially if grandparents are around. Having a sibling means you get to listen to the “NO” a little more often.
  • Initially not too keen maybe but eventually you are okay with sharing with your siblings. Beginning from sharing parents to toys to joys and sorrows of life.
  • You are bound to have differences in opinion which may lead to a scuffle (more often than not) but left on your own you learn to work out your differences. You also learn to admit you were wrong and make amends.
  • You learn to work together as a team and yes that includes teaming up against parents too for staying out those extra minutes.
  • You have someone who you know you can always talk to. Even if it is something you can’t tell your parents about you can always talk to your siblings about it.
  • You have someone who has your back. Need someone to bail you out of the stickiest of pitches with parents, count on your sibling to be there.

Sure everything is not smooth with two kids in tow:

  • You have double the work to do! So it would seem but if you plan well there isn’t as much work as there seems to be. Build the habit and they would be doing most of the work themselves or for each other.
  • One of them could feel neglected! Club activities, take the help from those willing to pitch in and lo you have time enough.
  • You have to be the referee ever so often! But if you aren’t taking sides there is no problem being the referee. You will have enough of that with one kid and her friends too. Best would be not getting into kids squabbles and they learn to sort them out for themselves.
  • Expenses take a toll on you! The only probable reason that could be a deterrent with today’s rising expenses. Because yes kids are expensive. But if you are able to share, budget and be judicious the expenses can be manageable.

I am not saying having two kids is easy, god I am right now trying to feed fish to the toddler and plain rice to the other, simultaneously! I am hoping that I don’t confuse the feed! But if you are able to handle the initial teething period, the rest of it is totally worth it. Chances of having twins? Things to know before having twins

Having said all this, you know what my biggest motivation was to have two children? I get the opportunity to leave behind TWO good human beings. The world does need more of them now right?

 I had my husband convinced. What about you?

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