To my best friend’s wife

Published On  June 30, 2016 By

I’m that woman you hate – the one who’s chaddi buddies with your husband. I’ve always been easy with friendships and often I prefer men than women as friends because there’s a lot less expectation, and a lot less drama and a lot more beers and watching games. And I’m no Tom Boy. But, I admit it was much easier when I wasn’t married. I’ll rephrase that. It was much easier when he wasn’t married. My friendships with all men but my husband, have strictly been platonic. But there’s been a lot of camaraderie, a lot of closeness, a lot of talk time on the phone and a lot of intense life conversations with these other men who’ve all been very important parts of my life when they were “friend of the year” for that time. And no, I’m not guilty.

This is an open letter to all those women threatened by their man’s “girl” friends. Life is not a soap opera. Not all women want to snatch your man. Believe it or not, I know. I’m not saying it’s not ok to be jealous. I’ve had wife of one guy I’m friends with tell me that she’s jealous of the easy no-expectations friendship I have with her husband – the ready availability of a non judgmental opposite sex person is very valuable. I’m the one who shopped for that watch you love. I’m the one who picked out the card you cherish. I’m who reminds him about your birthday and anniversary. Mostly. And this may not be flattering to you. But it should be. Because when you think about it, there is no one else he would ask me to remember about.

And I understand if you hate the idea of your husband and me hanging out by ourselves. My husband totally gets it, and maybe I’m loving life as it is because he doesn’t have a gal pal I’ve got to worry about the way you do. But could you do us all a favour? Don’t cut our friendship because of your insecurities. Try to get to know me. I know everything about you. Do you know anything about me? Maybe if you hung out with me and found out I was a half decent chick, you wouldn’t have to pry your husband away from this friendship that kinda means something to me too. We needn’t be new best friends. But we’ve got to co-exist. Because we’re both important to your husband. But you’ve got sex to give. So, you win by default. But not every victory is sweet. So, let’s make peace.

Ms Black Lace

You asked, we answered!

Hi Black Lace, 

Nice name and column! My husband insists only on the him on-top position. Frankly, I’m bored! I can’t do Kamasutra level poses, but is there another exciting alternative?

Oddly Positioned.

Dear Oddly Positioned,

I have a book recommendation for you – The sex position coloring book – 101 ready-to-colour sex positions. It’s silly and that’s why it’s a fun fun way to mix things up and get the conversation flowing. Personally, I have 2 suggestions: if you like eye contact, Opening the Lotus is a very intimate position. Sit cross-legged facing one another then drape your legs around your partner’s waist or even over his shoulders. If you enjoy being on top but feel self-conscious about being seen that way, try Reverse Cowgirl. You’re still in the saddle but you’re facing the other direction. Google for directions if you like. Good luck!

 

If you have any sex/relationship questions for Ms Black Lace, write to blacklace@zenparent.in. Your questions will be treated with confidentiality and answered on the column.