Stop Blaming Your Kids For Everything… Will You?

My neighbour and a dear friend has divorce on her mind since 3 years. But every time she looks at her kids she changes her mind. She doesn’t want to let her kids go through the trauma of dealing with separated parents but she can let them be voyeurs to their daily fights. There is one more lady I know of who shouts at her kid day in and day out when she’s out there drying clothes or sweeping while her poor innocent kid looks at her wondering what did he do to be at the receiving end of his mother’s wrath?

The average Indian mother is a hero. She doesn’t need to defend herself from rapists or thieves on a daily basis nor does she always have to battle any extremists or terminal illnesses. But she fights a big war as she strives to survive the challenges of expenses, budgeting, running her household, caring for her kids, handling her in laws and trying to keep her spouse happy. It’s a larger than life task whether it is acknowledged or not, squeezing the very life out of her most of the times. She is human and she needs her outlets. And no prizes for guessing who the soft targets are!

We all are guilty for yelling at our kids for no fault of theirs and they the angels that they are soak it all in. In fact they are the first ones to run up to us for a hug when we have cooled down. I, sometime back was diagnosed with a medical problem that required long term treatment. The bunch of medicines I had to gulp in daily, and their side effects made me so cranky that my emotions were riotous. I used to lose my temper at the drop of the hat and conveniently blamed my kids for everything. They silently wondered how it was their fault if the maid wasn’t regular or there were suddenly more power cuts in the city or the washing machine decided to conk off. And one day I guess when it became unbearable I got it thrown right back at me. It was an eye-opener. My poor little sweet boys didn’t have to bear the brunt of my complicate life. Of course they were there for me but not if I continued to whip them like this. I promised to break a plate but never to break their heart again.

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I wish, I could shout out the same to the lady across my house. Her kid was not her punching bag for whatever problems she was facing. She had to face her demons, get help if required but definitely not damage the self-esteem of her child by indirectly blaming him.

In a talk show on national television, more than a dozen couples confessed that they were continuing with their wed lock because of their kids. The reputed guest counsellor had only this to say to them on their faces. ‘It is high time you stop using your kids as your alibis to avoid stepping out of your comfort zones’. And wasn’t she so spot on?  Mothers complain that they had to give up their careers because of their kids. Really? How do the other working mothers manage? Are their kids under nourished or neglected? I don’t think so. It is a choice the SAH mothers made because they were not comfortable stepping out for work and blamed their kids for it, without willing to work on any options. It was them not their kids!

But it very conveniently goes on…

Didn’t make it to an occasion on time? Blame kids. Weren’t able to complete an assignment on time, use the universal excuse. Kids! Even dropped something? The kid crossed the way suddenly! A father known to me, broke all records when he blamed his special child for his financial down fall (I am sure you guys are remembering the movie Iqbal here). But this happens in reality too. How I wished at that moment to lash out and scream that ‘How the hell is it the kid’s fault when you are incapable of being a good business man?!!!!!

Grow up parents. Your kids need your love & support in life and not these extra silly burdens. Spare them please.

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