Stay Away. Let your Kids Miss you

I came across an interesting book at a store recently. It was titled ‘Women who love too much’. My initial reaction was to laugh it off as another gimmick in the market that would only play with words and deliver nothing. But something made me buy that book and as I read it, it gave me some startling glimpses into the psyche of women as friends, wives and mothers.

It’s been happening since a while but this book made me aware. Whatever I say to my kids has been falling on deaf ears. Its almost like they have ears only for decorative purposes. If I need help at home, they always have an excuse. If I need assistance with the computer or the mobile they are busy or tired. If I lose it or shout I’m the villain and if I’m sick I am sort of walked around, only sought  IF they can’t find something. This may sound a little brash on reading but we put up with this all the time without realising it. We are hurt, we are frustrated but we are also the ones who keep giving without a second thought. And later we wonder why we are the ones who aren’t respected.

It is an established fact that women are more skilled when it comes to multitasking, negotiating, administrating and managing. So why do we have to be treated like this? We do have our defined roles sometimes within only the confines of a home or a family but does that mean that we should be belittled? No. Absolutely not. It is within our capacity to draw the lines and claim the respect we much deserve.

This is how I did it.

I packed my bags, booked my tickets and decided to love myself for a change. I announced my absence for a week. And I gave my kids no choice but to manage on their own. Their dad would be around of course.

‘Who is going to give us our tiffin?’ was the first arrow that left the bow. ‘What about our uniforms’ was the second.  And then

‘I have my assignment submission next week. Who is going to help me?

‘How can you go now, my exams are coming up who will take my work up?’

‘Who is going to help me with the homework?’

‘What about the laundry?’

‘What are we going to eat?’

There was rebellion, sulking and a lot of tantrums but I had to stand my ground. The message I was trying to get across loud and clear was that they had to acknowledge my contribution to their world without under mining my value. I was their mother, not a helper! And I was an irreplaceable part of their life.

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The frantic calls they made, received only one answer. ‘Find a way and manage’ which they surprisingly did! This also made me think that somewhere down the line it is we mothers who consider our kids incapable of handling stuff. We keep cocooning them to grow into parasites who then eventually get accustomed to take us for granted.

A week passed by in a jiffy (maybe not for them) and I stood in front of the duo apparently seething in anger. But soon it was taken over by relief and we all broke into lingering smiles. The winning moment was when my elder son came up to me and confessed, ‘Wow mom, how the hell do you manage all this day after day, hats off to you! We missed you!’

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