My man wants to shower *right* after sex + period woes

How many times have you planned a trip with great excitement – maybe it’s a getaway, maybe it’s the nth honeymoon, maybe it’s a pilgrimage (shudder!) or maybe it’s just your own time to explore the world. And guess who’s there to give you unfailing company? Your period, of course!

I don’t know if it’s happened to you, but my period is super special. She syncs up never-failingly with all my trips, be it a week early or 10 days late. She makes sure to arrive on schedule; coz you know what makes cramped airplane toilets or dirty train toilets more fun?

A blood bath?  Soiled underwear? A million bloody sheets of toilet paper you’re sure will never flush through that insanely small loo hole? Stained pants? Take your pick! Not to mention, the stained pad and the fact that you have to unfailingly carry your damn handbag into that place to have access to, er supplies.

More from Zenparent : 6 things you never thought would spice up your sex life

Not bad enough? There’s more. Chafed thighs, raw nether regions, no swimming – everything a beach vacation deserves. Besides, no sex for your husband (unless you’re one of those people who considers menstrual blood as lube). What a win-win!

On the other hand, friends I’ve spoken to swear that this phenomenon isn’t restricted to leisure vacations. Pilgrimages have an equally high bidding to invite the uninvited period. As do “functions” like weddings or anything with some random “puja” in it. And you know why that is, right? Because in this chaste country, you’re not supposed to be anywhere near God while you are “down”. What started as a practice to give women “rest” during these 4 days is now a full-fledged mood kill; a game changing chance for a woman to get blamed for something she can’t control.

Other friends lament over the honeymoon that was, well, sans honey. That I kinda get. Most wedding dates are fixed to conveniently avoid your period. So that means, she shows up at the time that you can have sex, of course.

So how does your period just know? I have a theory for it. Just like you can wet your pants from sheer excitement, it is the prospect of getting laid in the trip that makes the uterus just shiver with excitement and lose it’s damn lining. All I have to say is, get a grip, uterus! Like, seriously.

More from Zenparent : What it’s like growing up with an Indian mom

You asked, we answered!

Today’s question.

My guy wants to shower RIGHT after we have sex. Like we wouldn’t even have calmed down from the orgasm and he’s hopping in the shower. I’ve tried talking to him about it, I’ve tried showering with him but no, he wants to shower alone and immediately. What do I do? I feel very dirty after he does that.

More from Zenparent : Sex in the shower! Positions that guarantee hot, wet orgasms!

Dirty Dancing

Dear Ms Dirty Dancing,

It’s easy to see why you might take this personally, but trust me, not only is this common but also, it has nothing to do with you. To put it simply, semen is like super glue. And with all the hair, you-know-where, having sticky remnants of your night of amour may be ok in your canal which is wet anyway, but for a guy, it’s a little bit more challenging. Plus, think of all the stuff going on to his underwear and into your washer. That’s enough for you to accept that he’s better off showering it away anyway. The other factor is that cuddling up is a woman thing. Men’s minds have drifted to “Last week tonight by John Oliver” soon after he climaxed. So, as long as the real dirty dancing is fine, I wouldn’t think of this to mean anything to be about you.

More from Zenparent : How much sex does a happy couple have?

If you have sex/relationship questions, do write to me at blacklace@zenparent.in. Your queries will be treated and answered anonymously on the column. Have a sexy week ahead!

More from Zenparent : Ladies, here are answers to 5 sexual questions you always wanted to ask, but never did!

More from Zenparent : Why Moms should have fun

Open in app
loader