Moms and the art of interrupted sex

By Black Lace

 

 

Most moms can attest to this. That they can get anything done with interruptions. Work – yes. Potty cleaning – uh huh. Important phone calls – sure. Sex – Of course! Wait, whaaaa? Yes, believe it or not, nothing can go on in a mom’s life without interruptions. Not even sex. Dads on the other hand, aren’t equipped to deal with this, with, uh, panache. Well, I’m generalizing. But it’s way more common for the “lady” to be panting from the hot sex and reassuring their child who’s bawling at the door at the same time in one breath, so to speak.

 

I asked my friends to name their choiciest bad moments of sexual interruption. You don’t want to miss the gems here –

 

 

  1. Cowgirl – My husband and I had woken each other up in the middle of the night and one thing led to another. Anyways, during the heat of the moment out of the

  2. darkness we hear our 3-year-old son say “Yee haw! Ride on, cowboy” and we just froze! At some point he had gotten into our bed without waking us up and we had no idea he was there. After realizing he was still sleeping, we quietly and slowly finished. The next day at breakfast he told us he had a dream he was riding a bull the night before.

  3. Cribcrawler – Our baby is the primary interrupter of my wife and mine’s sex time – mostly wailing loudly from the next room.  My wife simply can’t concentrate when she hears the baby. So, we’ve always laughed about it, put on clothes and went to go check on her. Definitely a mood kill but what are you going to do? When your kid needs you, you go right?

  4. Shameless –  We’d been out drinking and were in our bedroom having at it like a couple of teenagers. We were naked, facing away from the door and my feet high up in the air while my husband was riding me hard, and the door just opened. In our shock, all that registered was the high pitched voice of our 14-year-old, “OH MY GOD!!” and the door slammed shut. Some time later, we finished, got cleaned up and went out to living room. Daughter was sitting on couch, the shock still on her face. She looked at me and said, “Mom. How COULD you?”  I just sipped some water and replied, “How do you think you got here?” and walked away. Daughter never has said another word about it to this day

  5. Phoney – The phone is what interrupts the most. And it’s her mom. Like always. Now, there’s a mood kill like no other. Especially when she answers it.

  6. Wife beater – When my son was 4,  he told my mother that “Appa beat Amma up in bed yesterday. I heard Amma screaming while Appa sat on top of her”. My mother told my wife and I what our son said to her and we burst out laughing. We were a little embarrassed but hey…that’s what couples do.

 

Want to share some of your most embarrassing sextruptions? Don’t feel shy!

 

You asked. We answered.

 

We are new parents of a 4 month old and we only recently started having sex again after the pregnancy. Thing is that my husband got used to having a no-condom sex during the pregnancy that he’s reluctant to wear them now. I can’t do birth control pills because my gynecologist suggested I wait until I stop breastfeeding my baby. I haven’t really gotten my period back to regular cycles and so I’m terrified that I’m going to become pregnant again if we risk unprotected sex. What do I do?

 

 

Scared of No.2

 

Dear Scared,

 

I totally feel you. And I must insert here that it’s not uncommon for the Indian male to refuse to wear a condom. As with practically everything else, the onus for protection is on the woman. As is the consequence of an undesired pregnancy. Because of your situation, you can’t get an IUD either (and I don’t recommend them any which way). Also, know this that all the men who claim they can “pull out” in time are liars. At some point of time, he’ll end up pounding you with fluid and with some luck (or not), you’ll end up pregnant again. So, speak up. Tell him that unless he’s getting some latex, the golf course is closed. And you can try to create some excitement with the different varieties that those guys have going on there – ribbed, flavoured and more. Let sex be fun, not a chore!

 

If you have sex/relationship questions, do write to me at blacklace@zenparent.in. Your queries will be treated and answered anonymously on the column. Have a sexy week ahead!