Mom or Mother-in-law or day Care?

The moment Aysha stepped in home post a truly hectic day at work was a welcome by her mother-in-law with a list of complains where Rohan (Aysha’s son) had left no stone unturned to trouble her.  

 Leaving your child with your Mother-in-law

Not that she had not got used to this but still it managed to amuse her because she had never heard her mom grumbling even a wee bit when Rohan was left under her care. It has been a month since Aysha was leaving Rohan behind at home with her mother-in-law unlike before when she would first drop him at her mom’s place and then on her way back from work, pick him up.  It had been a practice since Rohan was three months old and now Rohan was almost two and half. So, to that effect, Aysha’s mom was baby-sitting Rohan for a good two years.

 Things were going good but then Siddharth (Aysha’s hubby) felt it was not right to deprive his mom of her grandson hence it would be perfect if she left him home. This would relieve her of the extra work of dropping and picking Rohan up from her mom’s place as well. The first two days were good but third day onwards she sensed her MIL was getting stressed with having to take care of a little one. She could sense negative vibes the moment she would enter home. She tried speaking about this to Siddharth but according to him, it was best to give his mom some time before she got used to Rohan.

 The Mental Agony

But was it really worth even considering keeping Rohan with her MIL? Would things really change and would her MIL be able to be as patient with him, the way her mom would be? Or is it that her mom was just being too kind and not stressing Aysha with Rohan’s tantrums or his stubbornness to eat and the other chores that usually accompany baby-sitting a two-year-old?

 Having the option of leaving your child with your mother as against your mother-in-law is a dilemma each woman faces. Where the comfort that one has with her mother surpasses that she would have with her MIL, the guilt of having to trouble your mom with a responsibility that ideally should not be passed to her is something that runs back of your mind as well. For me personally, I knew for sure that leaving my little one with my mom would ensure oodles of love and care without any complain. With my MIL, I am sure the amount of love and care would be at par but then there would be unpleasant things that I would have to hear about my child least she would get stressed with having to take care of her when she really did not want to.

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 Things that Matter

The age difference between my mom and MIL too came into play where once when I happened to blurt it out that – “I never had my mom complain about anything. Infact, she not only cooked for him but also did all that was needed. Here, I ensure his meals are prepared, his clothes are kept ready etc etc. You just need to look after him.” To this, she quickly responded – “I am not as young as your mom!” Point noted and understood.

 The void that is made by you going away post marriage at time is filled by your little one being with your parents. Perhaps, this also makes your own mother look after your little one without any complains. It literally gives them a chance to relive the days they spent with you as a child and most often than not, they end up showering more love to their grand children, compensating any lack that they may have observed while bring you up. Another reason why you feel mentally at ease to leave your child with your mom.

 The Solution

If possible, the best way to save yourself the trouble to having to listen to any complains or facing guilt is to divide the days. You can either alternate with leaving your child with your MIL and your mom on a daily basis or make it a week’s affair. The other thing you can do is to have your hubby speak with her. She may not be too candid with you but she would not mind telling her son if it is causing her any inconvenience to baby sit the child. Alternatively, you can have a conversation with your mom as well. Just incase if you have both the grand parents facing even a wee bit of stress, the best option is to find a good day care!

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