I hate you, but I won’t mention it to my kids

mom don't want to mention dislike people to her kids - ZenParent

My mum didn’t get along too well with her sister. (Just like many of us have issues with our siblings, aunts, uncles, and other relatives.) However, I was best friends with my aunt’s daughter. Whenever we met, we would get along like a house on fire. She was older than me and I looked up to her and held her in awe. When we were little, I spent many a vacation at her home and we would be inseparable. Suddenly, when I was in high school, my mom and her sister had a severe fall out and stopped communicating with each other. Those days, we did not even have a telephone, let alone email or Facebook and I lost all contact with my cousin. A few years later, we met at a wedding and we were so delighted to see each other. By that time, I was in grade 12 and she was in college. It was very awkward at first because our parents were looking daggers at us for bonding. We both resolved that day that no matter what our parents’ issues were, we would remain buddies and remain to this day. Our parents, have a blow-hot-blow-cold relationship, but we don’t let that bother us.

So, when I had kids I decided that I would stay away from letting my relationship issues mess with my kids’ perceptions.  Just like many other daughters-in-law, I too have with a list of things that my in-laws do, which annoy me terribly. I save it for my husband’s ears and make sure that my kids do not get to hear it. I want them to have a loving image of grandparents in their head and I don’t want to mess it up.

There is a proverb in Tamil that loosely translates to: “If you seek to only associate with a person without faults, you will have nobody around you.” As such, we human beings find it hard to get along with everyone and we make our own judgments and decisions based on what we can tolerate or not. But I believe it is best if we give our kids as much of an unbiased chance as possible to experience relationships in their own way, in the way they perceive it and make their own choices about whom to love and associate with, because everyone deserves to start with a clean slate.

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