Hey, I’m Not Stupid! I’m Still the boss here

Mom in charge of kid

“Oh c’mon, mom! What is wrong with you! What is so difficult in preparing this presentation?’

‘Arre mummy, what difference does it make if I don’t eat breakfast one day?’

‘Dad will you please stop overreacting; it is only a scratch on the side of the car!’

‘Hello, it is only a sleep-over, I’m not running away from home!’

‘Daddy this is not the way to do this sum!’

‘So what if my room isn’t cleaned today?’

Heard all this before? Every time I do, I wonder why the hell can’t my kids see my point of view. How can they trivialise my feelings, dilemmas, fears and wisdom? I can’t make out if the kids think we are stupid or they think they are smarter than us. Now, they may never tell you that to your face, but they grow up thinking one of the two; and that reflects in their behaviour towards us when they are adults.

It is quite beyond us to stop this but where we can make a difference is that we can tame the attitude of our kids, letting them know who’s smart and ultimately in charge.

YOU CANNOT BE YOUR KID’S FRIEND: You can be friendly to your kid but not his/her friend. There is a difference. Being a friend means agreeing to everything your kid feels or thinks and it means you cannot have a contention on any issue. You have to request for or negotiate basic disciplines and your kids are walking all over you. Don’t let them do that. Don’t let them think you are stupid. Instead be friendly, go to their level to understand their point of view but by all means show them that you still have it in you to solve problems and take sound decisions for them.

Explain to your child how do you feel - ZenParent

LET THEM KNOW HOW YOU FEEL-: They are not mind readers and all kids have an innate talent in them to push the boundaries. I feel hurt and I’m sure you do too when you get snubbed by the rebellion in your kid. This has worked for me. I let my boys know how their response affects me and not through a temper tantrum. I sit them down and have one of those talks where I reveal a wee bit of my vulnerability enough for them to empathise. Of course at times they tend to be amused at my thought processes but I make it clear to them that whatever it is, it has to be acknowledged and respected.

mom shouting at child - ZenParent

IT IS FINE TO RAISE YOUR VOICE ONCE IN A WHILE: You cannot weigh each word or tone before dishing it out on a platter to your kid. Though it is important to keep calm and be in control, it is also perfectly ok to lose sometimes and let them know how upset you are with their attitude. Show ‘em who’s still the boss.

STICK TO YOUR GROUND: A no is a no. Even if you realise it should have been a yes. Stay firm in your beliefs, values and decisions in front of them because they are geniuses. The moment they see you wavering a little they will not give up till they have you in their bag. That is stage 1. Stage no 2 will be they will start making statements and announcements like the ones I have mentioned in the beginning of the story. So it is better to nip the thoughts in the bud.

If it’s tough love people so be it. It creates an aura of respect after all we haven’t spent all these years in vain have we? We have our experience, knowledge; wisdom still intact and our kids better respect us for that rather than thinking we are some stupid primitive beings.

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