Have you found the big O?

You’re watching Bheegey hont tere on TV. The actress and actor are so turned on that you can almost feel their orgasm. You glance at your man and you can see that he’s hard just watching the chemistry of the lead pair on the screen. And what about you? Are you turned on? Do you feel the juices start to flow down there? Wait, did you say you’ve never had an orgasm?

When everyone in Bollywood seems pretty turned on by anything and everything, it gets really hard to live up to the reputation in real life. All those item songs, the drooling men, the lingerie and condom ads, all make it look like women who want to be had, can really get it on in no time.


Surprise, surprise then that one of the most common sex complaints that women have, is the elusiveness of the female orgasm. Physiologically speaking, the female orgasm is not quite as obvious (usually no visible fluids) or detectable to the partner, as its male counterpart is. That’s what makes them easier to fake (don’t!) On the other hand, a lot of women are genuinely worried that they don’t orgasm from intercourse. Here’s newsflash – less than 30% of women actually orgasm from the act itself. For women, the big O is a combination of physical and mental stimulation.

Here are my tips to help you reach your happy ending –

  1. Prepare yourself mentally – Yes! This is something most women ignore. Sex is as much a mental thing as it is physical for women, unlike men. So yes, think about what you want in this sexual encounter, vocalize it to your man, and here’s the kicker –if you need to, fantasize about someone else. It’s not cheating if you’re thinking your man is Bradley Cooper in the shadows. And if it leads up to your big O, it’s totally worth it.
  2. Feel like a million bucks – If you’re insecure about your appearance, it translates to your body language and your partner can read right to it. So, forget that you have a ripening zit (your partner’s not going to notice), throw on some satin lingerie (or whatever melts your man), some body butter or some mild perfume. Feel like a sex goddess!
  3. Educate yourself and talk to your guy – A lot of Indian men and women have silent sex. Either from living in joint families and thin-walled homes. Or just being afraid to vocalize to their man. Nipple stimulation is so underrated. The male tongue should be the most underrated sex organ. Engage in oral sex if it helps. Most women can readily orgasm when their man merely plays with their breasts. And men love to. So don’t be afraid to guide him on his way – to your boobs or your clit. Just say it!
  4. Satisfy yourself – Masturbation is a wonderful outlet to sexual release. I’m truly amazed how many 30-year-olds haven’t tried to self-please. It’s a skill you learn at 13 and is truly valuable. My only advice? Use only clean things for stimulation. No dirty shower heads. Buy a good-quality vibrator for that super awesome zing. Warning – don’t overuse it or any man may measure up short.
  5. Switch it up – Switching things up can help the monotony. Whether it’s positions (hint – women on top makes more friction for you and easier to O), or lingerie or role play, mixing things up certainly helps.

Delay the pleasure. Lasting arousal creates an explosion of pleasure. And remember, the advantage of being a woman is that you can have multiple orgasms. You go, baby!

If you have any sex/relationship questions for Ms Black Lace, write to blacklace@zenparent.in. Your questions will be treated with confidentiality and answered on the column.