Have I failed as a Parent at times? No! You Have Not…

good parent or not- Parenting resources by ZenParent

I remember when my kid was in the 4th grade and it was prize distribution day. And in a class of 30 there was one bright child who had won 6 prizes for almost all subjects!  I sat there amongst the audience eyeing the mother of the child who kept looking around returning everyone compliments and smiles and I don’t know why but I walked up to her after the function and after congratulating her, asked her about her child’s study habits. I wish I had not. As instantly came the answer that ‘Oh I have been very particular with his schedule! We all are extremely organised and disciplined at home!’ I felt so low that night as I recollected the teacher’s words that I should be a little more alert with my son’s studies and felt that I wasn’t a good mother. But it was only later that we realised that my son had ADHD and my life was nothing but a sequence of events that included running from clinic to assessment centres. In between, there was the impossible task of handling the elders who very nonchalantly commented, ‘We have never heard of all this in our times. You don’t know how to handle your son.’ It was only after 2 years of feeling completely miserable about my parenting skills that I heard something that changed my life. One of the teachers from my son’s school said this in one of the PTMs ‘I am amazed at the amount of effort you have taken in dealing with your son’s problem and I must say he is so lucky to have you!’

am i a good parent or not- Parenting resources by ZenParent

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You brood and wonder about this a million times if you’re doing good as a parent, don’t you? Every time you see a healthier child, a happier kid, a child who has scored more marks or when you see that boy/girl winning more medals at the school sports meet or when your kid doesn’t listen to you. This is one secretive thought that keeps coming back to you in the silent moments of night when you finally have put your kid to sleep and can’t help but reflect on the challenges you faced, the tantrums you handled, the helplessness you felt at times and the comparisons you drew (of course, for the betterment of your child).  ‘Have I done enough?’ is the question you fall asleep asking yourself so many times and it becomes more like a ritual because if you don’t end up thinking about it; there are many others to remind you, and yet the answers are always elusive.

But what I want to convey to all you parents is this. You don’t need a kid with special needs to hear those words. In fact, you may never hear any words of appreciation at all but you still wake up early in the morning to make sure your kid has a good breakfast and carries sufficient lunch even though you could have had a late night.

You still put everything else on hold and make sure nothing overlaps with the school drop and pick up times even if you are miles away.

You still ensure your kid wears the best clothes even if it means not buying your favourite dress that month. You still run towards your crying kid although you have just begun to rest and you cry too.

You still put your whole life on hold when your kid has a project or exams. You may never worry that you are losing weight or aren’t taking enough care of yourself until your doctor reminds you but you will see to it that your kid has had all meals on time and doesn’t skip taking any medicines.

parents do so much- Parenting resources by ZenParent

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You may be down with fever but you still take your kid for his classes. You decide to work and earn that little extra to give your kid the best, be it education or anything else he needs.

You can’t smile when your kid is sad and when he /she is happy you forget all your worries.  Do you ever leave any page unturned or any extracurricular class unexplored if you feel that it shall benefit your child?

Now please pause and tell yourself that you do all this and I’m sure you shall agree when I say that there is much much more.  And yet you allow yourself to be told that you have failed? No!  You have done a fantastic job and without any special training. You fell, you regained, you learnt and achieved and you did all this on your own!

Next time, when someone gives you a questioning look when your kid is jumping around playfully & refuses to listen, or he appears to be thinner than most kids his/her age, shove it aside and call out your kid lovingly. If he/she turns around flashing the sweetest of smiles and comes running to you, with arms wide open, then we wish to inform you dear parent that you have passed with flying colours!

Click here to read how to fight criticism from others when they give their opinion about your parenting style.

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