We hate our children. Here’s proof.

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again. We are a society that hates its children. Think I am wrong? Look at this report: a school has asked parents of rape survivor to take her out of school lest the girl damage its reputation. If this isn’t deeply offensive, I don’t know what it is. My blood boil when I see that it is grown ups, educated adults who are trusted to hold the futures of young children in their hands, who go through life and tough situations with solutions that are completely misguided in their approach. 

As a country, we are collectively and individually worried about what the world will think of us, even before we think about what the effect of a certain event might be on the victim. Have a child who is differently abled? What will the world think if we take her out? Want to head out for a night out with the girls leaving your kids at home? What will the in laws think? Had an abortion? What will the world think? It’s endless. For us, the shame that we associate with events like this far, far overrides our empathy and our compassion for people who to through trauma. 

And I am going to go as far as saying that is how we parent too. The reason we get irrationally upset if a child acts out in public, or the made rage we fly into when our child lets us down with his school performance, or the discomfort we feel when our children refuse to be the centre of a party and be performing monkeys for grown ups to clap and appreciate. All of this has nothing to do with the child or our connection with the child. It has nothing to do with our estimation of the child’s worth and talent. The only thing it has anything to do with is our intense awareness that we think people are watching us and judging us and making an opinion about us. Let me let you in on a secret: NO ONE CARES!

Seriously. Think about the times you’ve had to change your behaviour in public because you are worried about people will think, not how it will affect those around you. At home you let those guards down, you are irritable, cold, badly behaved when you’re upset. And then you step out and you’re a different person entirely. Because: what will people think. Did you know people actually don’t have the time or energy to think anything about you because they’re too busy thinking what will you think about them? This loop goes on and on till we are all behaving in manners that are not true to us. Remind yourself of the times you’ve been polite and controlled when your child acts out in public. And remember how you behaved when he did that in the privacy of your home. Huge difference, I am guessing. 

My point this is where we need to start. We need to find that if we are behaving in a civilised manner when there is a third eye upon us, then we need to remember that what is more important than the third eye, which is probably a stranger’s, is our child’s eye. It is the eye of the person who is imprinting every single behaviour of yours onto her impeccable mind and making it come alive in another situation. And when we start to not worry so much about what people thing, we start to do the right thing, irrespective of who is watching. It is only at that time can we look at a girl who has been raped and say to ourselves and each other that how can we come together and support this child whose childhood has been snatched away so violently and brutally away from her. It is only then can we find ways to support and comfort children who have committed crimes instead of throwing them into jails that are already full of violence and forever losing the child’s potential. It is from here that we can begin by not having hypocritical standards because oneness in our behaviour will mean oneness in our love towards those who suffer at the hands of people who don’t have a moral compass. I am literally not asking for much here: I am asking you to remember that the person who matters most is a child you are rearing. It is what he or she thinks that matters most about your action, not what the world is thinking. 

This last week was generally hectic and all around us in South India, schools have shut down for the summer holidays. (Yay, the morning traffic is so much better!) North Indian schools are still catching up and then it will descend: what do we do for the kids during the two months of holidays. Not to worry. We have a series planned on how to deal with summer holidays if you aren’t going to work running through this month. But meanwhile, here’s a quick selection of our best stories this week. In a world where everyone is telling you to absolutely buy this amazing product, that amazing thing, here are give baby products you should NEVER buy. Summer holidays or new parents? Both situations mean never enough time to have sex. Here’s some great ways to have efficient, quick, satisfying sex even while your brood is killing the mood. And if you still aren’t a parent and only looking forward to having a kid (why?!) here are six mistakes that are probably getting in the way of you conceiving

Have a little munchkin who is miserable because of teething? Here are some foods that help relieve the stress. I remember reading one day and laughing at a headline: How our marriage survived our pregnancy. Er, I mean you chose to get pregnant! But this tale of how new parenting almost, just about, nearly ruined a perfectly happy marriage is something you need to read.  And finally, if you’re the good wife and your good husband takes a good lunch to work, here are some really great, quick recipes for his lunch box that will last in the summer’s heat. 

Until next week.

 

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