Find out if your MIL loves you or hates you!

Ever noticed how the bride’s parents are usually not a part of the narrative when we use the phrase “mother-in-law problems?” That’s patriarchy at work right there! Daughters in law have to contend with a new woman who seems to know it all, seen it all and worse are all over the place!

Honestly that is a stereotype that is best broken at the earliest. Admittedly MILs in India can be a pushy lot. They can be frustrating to deal with especially if their positions on a number of topics tend to be diametrically opposite to yours. Worse, these views come to the fore in sundry arguments/ conversations over a long period of time. Often by the time you know where she really stands on important issues, you are already ten years into your marriage and with kid or kids in tow.

Don’t worry, we have a time tested remedy to reduce conflict with the dreaded ‘saasu.’

Identify:

People are the same everywhere and a better understanding of her individual circumstance would definitely enable you to identify what her nature or behaviour. Get to know her, either through your husband, or his siblings, or better still by the woman herself. The major upheavals or change or twists in her life are in all probability the main influencers in her life.

Examples:

·  When or how her children were born? What were the circumstances? Was she ever ridiculed?

·  The time when money was short and responsibilities multiplied, what did she do?

·  Ask her about her dreams and aspirations in life.

Half of your problems will end, if you are inquisitive about her life and stop stepping on buttons that could trigger her off.

Ok, here is a simple list to check if she hates you or loves you

1. Does she take the time to get to know you?

Has she ever asked you what you would like to eat, or what meant the most to you as a child? Does she notice how much milk you take in your coffee?

Yes? – loves you

Not really? – Thumbs down

2. Does she compare you with her daughters or daughters-in-law?

Have you ever heard her describe the merits/ mannerisms of others in a manner to indicate that you must emulate them?

No? – Loves you

Yes? – Thumbs down

3. Does she stand up for you?

Whether at home or outside does she specifically emphasize that you are your own person and respect your choices?

Yes? – loves you

No? – thumbs down

4. Does she take good care of your children?

Is she the first choice when you are looking for a babysitter for your child? Does she respect your parenting methods and follow them in your absence? Does she avoid telling your child things that would go against your grain?

Yes? – Loves you

No? – thumbs down

5. Does she remember you on special occasions?

Does she call and tell you she missed you on special occasions? Does she remember your first day back to work? Does she call and check if your fever has come down?

Yes? – loves you

No? – thumbs down

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