Does the first sex after a baby hurt?

Well, we are back on point this week. And it’s all about sex after having a baby. Congratulations! You have a baby! Now, you or your partner has slowly started wondering when you can have sex after a baby. Wait, you have time for sex after a baby? Then the obvious answer would be –  when the baby is sleeping! But that’s not what you meant, did you. You know it’ll probably be different, it might hurt, blah. But how different? I bet your partner wants to know. And how much does it hurt? You probably want to know that one.

So, first things first, here’s the deal – it’s best to hold off till your 6-week-postpartum check up (Sorry pardner!). Even if you had a C-section, the bacteria that live in your vagina preparing for birth can cause infection and problems.  And then there are the C-section stitches to worry about too. So, uh, no thanks. Even with a condom, stay away till your first post natal check up when your gynaecologist will clear you.

So, how different is it? Depending on what birth you had, your vagina may have loosened up quite a bit. After all, your baby’s head came through it not so mong ago. Some people find this looseness disconcerting, some others are put off. But hey, within 6 weeks, almost everything else in your body is back to normal. And wit regular Kegel exercises, your vagina will be as tight as it ever was. Even with a C-section, since your body is actually meant to birth normally, the hormones make your vaginal walls looser than before. Once again, Kegels to the rescue.

And does it hurt? Again, a lot of factors go in to this one. Like every pregnancy varies, every recovery varies too. The heightened blood flow to the area from hormones can give heightened sense of pleasure to some women. If you had a normal birth and had an episiotomy, if you didn’t wait long enough, there’s a chance it could hurt. Go easy, ask your partner to be gentle, take your time and use protection the first time. And take your body’s cue. If it hurts, try again in a few days.

How soon can you have sex after the baby? I’m sure you’ve heard of someone who had sex within a week and it didn’t hurt a bit. And you’re eager to try. Or at least your big boobs are spurring your partner on to try. But take it easy. At least till your first post natal visit. You want to give time for your stitches (either way) to heal and the lochia to stop.

You asked. We answer!

Today’s question:

Dear Black Lace,

I’m pregnant with my first baby and in my third trimester. My husband wants me to have a scheduled C-section because he’s worried I won’t be tight enough down there if I deliver naturally. Is there any truth to this?


Dear Scared Loose,

I want to tell your husband to have invasive abdominal surgery the next time he’s constipated. The poop can come out and save his arse, right? That’s how absurd his suggestion is! You’ll be loose for a while (during which you’re recovering!) With regular Kegel exercises, you’ll be back in shape before he knows it. So, please don’t opt for a C-section for this reason!

If you have sex/relationship questions, do write to me at Your queries will be treated and answered anonymously on the column. Have a sexy week ahead!