Dear daughter, here’s what I want you to know about losing your virginity!

Being born and raised in India, my notion of sex was like anyone else- the ‘bad’ word. Well, in India most parents shy away from discussing the topic with their kids. Remember the days when you cringed watching a condom ad front of your family or did not dare to ask any doubts about the subject? Forget talking about sex, there is little or a very hush-hush discussion about periods or how to use a sanitary pad. But amongst us, there was a ‘bunch’ which woke up and said ‘it’s time we had the talk’!

And this was when I began to question myself about how and what I would tell my daughter. Instead of advocating abstinence and locking women in the kitchen, isn’t it time we spoke about it loud and clear? Well, that’s the democratic approach I would like to take and here’s what I want my daughter to know about losing her virginity.

1.     Virginity is a myth

There is no such a thing as losing virginity. In fact, the first night is often considered an auspicious event when the woman finally loses her virginity. Sadly, that is not the case. You would have lost your virginity even before I ceremoniously send you into a room with your man. There is a good chance of losing your virginity while swimming, playing basketball, cycling, doing aerobics and whatnot. In fact, some women do not lose their virginity even after multiple attempts of having sex. So, to begin with, the whole idea around virginity is a painted one and its not true.

2.     Do it for the right reasons

I’ve heard of women having sex just because their partner wanted it. But dear daughter, I clearly don’t want you to be a part of that bandwagon. Some do it because their partner wants it. Some do it because their friends are doing it. But I want you to be free of such social pressures because your whole opinion about sex will depend on your first experience. So, instead of doing it for other reasons or other people, do it when you know why you want to do it.

3.     Put your needs first

For a long time now, we women have been taught to put our husband’s needs ahead of ours. And sadly, this holds true even on the bed. However, I don’t want you to follow suit. Sex is meant to be a stress buster and not something that follows a protocol. So, why shy away from asking what you deserve? Ask what you need, fulfill your desires and don’t be afraid to tell it out. I would be proud to raise someone who speaks up for what she deserves.

4.     Sex does not make you a slut!

Our society, as a practice, loves to slut shame women who have sex, especially before their marriage. In fact, a few parents slut shame their own daughters. But, that is just plain unfair. I do agree things are a lot more open and free in the West, but hey we need to make a beginning somewhere. So, no, you are NOT a slut if you go to bed with a man you are comfortable with.

5.     Its okay to back out!

Yes, it completely is. Deciding to lose your virginity is completely your personal choice and no one else can have a say in it. Sadly, the society has made this too a ritual that women MUST follow after marriage. Even if you are cool, confident, know the person inside out and still don’t feel like it, you have every right to back out. And if your partner insists or forces you, he is definitely not the one. It’s time to rethink things!

6.     Have safe sex

Last, but not the least, I would want you to have safe sex. Read up about birth control measures, best condom brands and all that you must before you are at it. I know, no mother in India will remotely feel comfortable discussing condom brands with her daughter, but in an over-populated country like ours, we need to begin somewhere.

Feature image source: jfwonline.com

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