Babysitting your husband too?

And I bet you’re proud of it.  From what I have seen and heard, we have led ourselves to believe in the satisfaction we obtain from doing just about everything for everyone.

Your kid is back from school, you are there with a glass of milk and snacks. Understandable. But your husband is back from work and you are there again, this time with a cup of tea or glass of water and snacks. Er…What exactly had you been doing the whole day then? Do you get waited upon like that? Even once in a while? Pampering and showing concern are two very different things, ladies. Do you even realise that you don’t stop there with that cup of tea?

  • Clothes: After a certain point, you should stop doing that for your kids too but you continue doing it for them as well as your husband. Choose the shirt and pants, display the spread neatly on the bed complete with under garments and even accessories! How are you supposed to know what look he wants that day? When he has the capacity to run a family, a business with all its decisions, how difficult it is for him to decide what he wants to wear? Here’s hoping against hope that you don’t arrange his closet/ drawers/ study too for him.

donot treat your husband like a child - ZenParent

  • Food: You fuss around him with that extra phulka, or that piece of mithaai in the same way as you do with your kid. And, somehow, you have convinced yourself that if you won’t take care of his diet, he will be a sick man forever. Is he not worried about his own health? Do you need to do that for him? Alas, I know of husbands who won’t even take medication on their own.
  • Special occasions: So you have to remind him of his parents’ birthdays, his aunt’sanniversary and I haven’t yet come to the celebrations between the two of you. Don’t you maintain that calendar with all the significant dates marked on it? And do you know why he will never remember? Because he knows he has married a planner and an executive producer. You will organise the card, flowers, gift and the dinner. He has to only grace the occasion with his presence. Now you know why your anniversaries or birthdays are mostly one-sided affairs?
  • Sex: Now I am getting into some personal space, here. A friend recently confessed having to be in charge in bed too. What else was she to expect, my dears? She wants to do everything herself from his food to wardrobe to even his way of talking. Why shouldn’t he lie contented in bed too expecting her to spice things up? Don’t you hate it when you have to take over here too all the time?

man crying

  • Emotions: Aah! Men don’t cry. Men don’t understand. Men are not expressive of their emotions. But did anyone let them do the above? They were only cocooned and baby-sat first by their moms and then by us. So what do we do? We train them to behave in a certain way or still better we emote for them. We exonerate them from all PDAs for one, we take up the jobs of expressing our feelings and love while they can hold back and appear desirable, we turn into their mouth pieces for negotiations or condolences, and we also are the damage control heads. They mess up. We clean up. By mess let me might as well add the mess they make around the house and we very willingly clear the clutter.
  • Money: Have you ever said to him, ‘’Don’t worry, darling, I am earning too and I will take care of some of the expenses from now on.” You shouldn’t have. While it is good to offer support in difficult times, have you realised the tough times never seem to end? Your cash is the most convenient. “You pay now, I’ll return it to you later,” is what you will hear for a long time.

I know the feeling. The one where we want to cuddle our husbands sometimes and do whatever we can for them. It’s a great thing. It’s love. But I guess we also need to let them stop taking us for granted, or making them feel smothered. We just have to let them own up and be a little more responsible. It will be hard for them, but trust me. they are very fast learners and they love that breath of fresh air in the bargain.

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