Attracted to another man? Here’s a true story of a fellow writer…

Anusha never felt the intense pull of desire and love, madness and sensation, awareness and fantasy before she met him. No, he is not her husband with whom she has a baby. It happened with a man she never thought possible.

She was at a destination wedding at Goa’s plush five star hotel. Her husband couldn’t join her because of important work that had come-up at the last moment. She was there with her five year old daughter when he cornered her sitting under a tree.

“Hello beautiful! How are you doing?” he drawled as he pulled up a chair to sit next to her. He had a glass filled with amber liquid that looked like watered down whiskey. Afternoon drinker, thought Anusha rolling her eyes inwardly.

Four days later Anusha hated that she waited breathlessly for every message from him. She loved that every compliment he paid, gave her the sugar rush of a hundred chocolate bars.  

He was familiar with her writing and flattering her non-stop. Her thoughts and her writing, her sense of style and determination, moved him, he insisted.

“You are the real star. I can’t believe I am sitting and talking to you,” he said. She giggled.

“That line, Love that we cannot have will last the longest and feel the strongest’, that is profound,” he recited from memory. She recalled the drubbing she received from her Editor for that article. To hear praise for that writing validated a private corner in her heart that wanted to unburden past failures.

Every word that she uttered mattered to him more than it had ever to another person. He wanted her comments on everything and noticed every mood change as minutely as if he had a personal access to her soul.

The night of the baraat, she knew she looked ravishing in her Ritu Kumar red. The choli had a string of hand done gota work that invited the tantalized viewer’s gaze to Anusha’s ample assets. On a whim she let the heavy duputta cascade down her back instead of pinning it across in a Gujrati style cross-chested pallu.

That was the night she noticed the naked desire in his eyes. They kissed like they had been hungry for decades before this. His touch stoked flames Anusha never knew existed. He possessed her mind and body and brought her face-to-face with a truth she is yet to reconcile with.

She is devoted to her husband. But she is in love with this sexy half-stranger, who thrills her with one look, gets her passion racing with one touch.

Returning home after the 10-day-long wedding extravaganza was exactly as excruciating as she had thought it would be. It brought her back with a thud into the domesticity that she had escaped for those glorious days. In the beginning her husband didn’t comment on her withdrawn nature and general silence. He put it down to the pressures of the wedding. Meanwhile she was drowning.

Until, her phone pinged’.

“I miss you”, “I need you”. “I can still feel you pulsating in my arms.” Her phone began flooding with messages that would ruin her marriage. Her daughter too was old enough to read and understand her mum’s phone addiction. Terrified, Anusha began taking her phone to the loo every time she heard it ping. Her phone was in her shower too.

One night, her daughter woke up shrieking in bed. She was holding her chest and trying to cough. What stilled Anusha was the expression on her face. Her daughter’s face was pale white as her lips were starting to turn a darker shade of pink- almost purplish.

They picked her up and ran to the emergency room. And there her phone started pinging. One ping after another. A flurry of insanely explicit messages screeching in the silence of the hospital. She put it on silent mode. But the messages wouldn’t stop.

At the hospital the doctor was asking her questions as her phone keep vibrating incessantly. Irritated, she switched the phone off. Luckily her daughter was discharged the very next morning.

Once things had settled down, she tried to call her lover. At first he appeared unhappy. Later, after he had heard about her ordeal, he murmured a few supportive words. When she prodded him he said the one thing that ended it forever.

“Listen, I know that you are married and a mother too. But I am a real man, not your husband – I want you when I want you. Can you do that?”

She didn’t even bother to respond and ended it without a word.

 (Names have been changed to protect privacy.)

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