Are You Influencing Your Kid to be Judgmental?

judgmental child- Parenting resources by ZenParent

You do… more than you realize.

Even though you may not be able to effectively control your kid’s actions most of the time; be assured that you are influencing his/her choices and relationships.

Kids spend a substantial amount of time in schools, but their basic learning takes place at home under the guidance and influence of their parents. This is where they learn to talk, behave, develop the right attitude, handle situations and make friends. More by observance.

It was the first day in a new school for my kid and I noticed that the school had allowances for kids from the neighboring village as per the government rules. I squirmed at the thought of my kid sharing classroom space with those kids but didn’t say a word. I found a seat for him away from them and left after a word with the teacher. After a month during the PTM, I was informed by the teacher that my son refused to play with certain kids from his class and was very uncooperative towards them.That was an eye opener. Although I had not spoken a word, my son had soaked my dislike and had been influenced by it.

A friend who went to drop her daughter to the school hostel where she was due to stay for a couple of years, had a similar experience. Her daughter had been having issues with friends and was a little skeptical about her roommate, and my friend wanted to clear the negativity so the moment she saw the roommate, she whispered to her daughter ‘that I think she is going to be a great friend to you’.

don't make your kids judge- Parenting resources by ZenParent

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It’s been 3 years since that day and she & her roommate are the best of friends.

A couple known to me moved from UK to Bangalore through their company and were given a flat to stay. They realized that despite sincere efforts from their side they could not get the neighbours to warm up to them due to cultural, religious and lifestyle differences. The kids that had initially managed to break the ice with their counterparts gradually faced isolation too much to their confusion and dismay. The couple moved back to UK within a year.

Carl. E. Pickhardt (Ph.D.) says ‘A young child admires, even worships parents for the capability of what they can do and the power of approval that they possess. The child wants to relate on parental terms, enjoy parental companionship, and imitates the parents wherever possible’

It is amazing how a single sentence or just a specific stance by parents can influence kids to judge people. While the positive feedback can be used as a tool by parents for the benefit of their kid, does the negative typing of peers create more complications in their life? Does our personal perception and generalizing create a permanent dent in their innocent minds about people? Kids from backgrounds different than ours (culturally and economically) may not be a threat always. They may look, behave, dress or speak differently but may not really be a bad influence on kids but we may end up initiating a thought process that may snowball into something major in future with our kids finding it difficult to relate and co-exist with others on a regular basis.

Yes! we do go through a lot of anxiety over the kind of friend our kids interact with, but instead of inhibiting them, why not use the influencing to let them have an open mind and positive attitude towards people and empower them to learn their lessons and take better decisions. This will gear them up better to set sail in to the world at large.

Of course where intervention is required we should be there for guidance and support (Refer to the article how to curb negative influences on your kids) but otherwise let us project this world rightfully as a happy place, still abundant with good people to our kids for them to appreciate and revel in what they have and be emotionally better human beings.

 Click here to know how to not let any negative influences harm your child…

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