7 reasons why parenting a toddler turns you into a crazed human

Terrible Twos. Yes, cliche much, but there’s a reason cliches come into existence. Being the mother of a toddler is something no woman can ever forget. Of course you’re excited to see your child learning to use all her muscles, her tongue in particular, but because you’re also always in a state of conflict. And that’s putting it mildly. The only time that a kid can drive you completely nuts before she hits puberty is when she’s a toddler.

In a brutally honest article for Babble, Barrie Bismark compares having a toddler to a dysfunctional relationship you’ve been in with a family member, a friend or a partner. Here are some reasons why:

1. Constant fighting:

Is that surprising? Not really, actually. This is the time when your child is developing a personality of her own. So when you tell her that she has to wear the blue shoes she loves when you take her to the park for a walk, she’ll pull them off halfway and say she’s feeling too hot. If you cook her her favourite daal tadka with hot chapatis, she’ll have you chase her all afternoon with the plate instead of eating quietly out of your lap. Impossible not to have a screaming match after a while.

2. I WANT:

Yep. The personality thing again, possibly. You tell her she can’t have something she asks for and you’ll never be able to rest in peace till she has it.

3. Repetitive apologies:

Your toddler is a very strict disciplinarian. She never accepts a mistake. You know she likes the green sippy cup with the flowers on it; how dare you give her Bournvita in the pink Winnie the Pooh mug? Outrage. Yes, you say you’re sorry, but that’s not going to be enough, is it? If you don’t want brown milk stains all over your walls because she decided flinging it there is more fun than drinking it out of a pink mug, you’ll have to pour it into the container of her choice before it disappears into her belly.

4. Your house is never clean:

Where is your Barbie, beta, you ask her. She points to a pile of picture books, clothes and pretend-musical instruments on one side of your drawing room. That’s just the corner you emptied this morning, after throwing out all sorts of junk including a doll that squealed “mummy” every time you picked it up.

5. It’s always YOUR fault:

She’s trying to juggle (by juggle, we mean throw) these wooden Channapatna tops that some well-meaning relative brought her on the way back from Mysore. One falls on her foot. Bawling? Yes! Because it’s your fault that she dropped it, you see. You take away the tops after she hurt herself? More bawling. Cruel mama. Mean mama. Good baby. Always.

6. You lose count of the number of times you lie everyday:

She’s throwing a fit because you told her you’ll take her to the zoo and you can’t today because your househelp didn’t turn up. Tomorrow, you assure her, knowing you can distract her from it then with the promise of some homemade kheer for the day after.

7. Your self-confidence goes out the window:

You want to really know whether you’re fat or not? Don’t ask your husband; he’ll always tell you what he thinks you want to hear. Ask your toddler. But expect to be shattered. Because she hasn’t yet learnt how to be diplomatic.

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