5 ways to identify your partner has become a stranger and what to do about it

“In the initial throes of love, one look from me would be enough to convey my true feelings. We never needed words. Our thoughts travelled like the magnetic waves through simple body language and looks. Now, even when I am visibly crying and pleading, he remains wooden. Who is this monster and what has he done with my sweet and lovely man?” asks my friend incredulously.

Even if your marriage is not quite as dramatic as my friend’s is, have you ever felt like you are unable to connect emotionally with you partner as you used to? Has this happened more often now, than ever before. It is important to notice a pattern in the opaqueness of your spouse. A growing feeling of separation and distance from your partner may be a red flag in your relationship. The deep void you feel in all likelyhood, needs to be examined.

Here is a quick test to find out if you know your spouse well enough:

1. Does your partner miss obvious emotional signal?

2. Are your conversations about house work and obligations?

3. Has the partner ceased to surprise you in a good way for a long time?

4. Has sex gotten boring, the times it exists?

5. You haven’t had an honest discussion about each other’s hopes, dreams and fears?

If the answer to more than three is a yes, you are infact in a marriage that needs work. And make no mistake, marriage is work. People change and grow in newer directions and tend to turn towards the sun that makes them come alive. So it is important is re-group and regularly reconnect with your spouse. Many things that were true then, may have changed or been modified. As a partner it is your job to know them and provide the right emotional impetus needed to shine in the world.

The problem is often complicated when children come along. Jobs and chores never get done, or are delayed and prey on your mind and energy. A sudden staggering exhaustion renders you incapable of doing any more than the basic chores that quadruple with an infant/toddler around the house. It is around those times that something major at work happens and instead of sharing it with you your partner resorts to hoarding it until your time frees up. Once, twice, thrice and eventually this habit becomes a convenient excuse to avoid meaningful conversations and recording emotional changes. With modern day stresses, rifts begin to appear as less as six months.

Here are five tricks to reconnect with your partner:

1. Once a week, make it a point to have a heart to heart discussion.  Talking. The first and most important rule in any interaction. Develop this because the lack of it would signify a break-down in your bond.

2. Make working on your relationship amongst the top two things on your priority list.

3. Try establishing some connection every day. It could be a hug or a kiss or a simple holding of hands or even a ten second long full body hug. Do this twice a day at least.

4. In the beginning control your anger that wonders why you partner doesn’t know simple things about you. Instead concentrate on telling things about you, nicely.

5. Plan special meals or outings with the definite plan to reconnect and understand your partner anew.

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