5 Times to stand up for your kid instead of correcting their actions

I feel a certain revulsion when I watch Hindi emotional movies and phat! The hero or some character gets slapped by their mother when they dare to speak against their elders or anyone who has been unreasonable or even wicked. ‘’Maafi Maango(Apologise)!’’ they exclaim and establish themselves to be the angels whose ‘culture’ is so strong that they can be forever victimised and the wrong doers can get away with anything just because they are older or higher in status.

Do you wonder in those moments and say ‘what the heck!’? Why can’t she just let the truth come out and the people be brought to task? Of course you do. It is most natural. You, me, we all believe in justice and don’t want to be treated like doormats where we can be walked all over!! But we all are slaves of decorum, protocol status quo and we have learnt to be diplomatic enough not to spill any beans or upset the illusionary balance of society.

We are grown up, sober, calculative individuals who cannot speak up but do you realise our kids can and they usually do? There was a time I went red in the face when my boys said something that was on the tip of my tongue. I bit my lip and they said it! And I made the grave mistake of scolding them in front of the accused. But what they said was absolutely correct and I should have been proud that i gave my kids enough confidence and courage to speak up against what they genuinely felt was wrong. I made up my mind that I would think twice before correcting them henceforth unless very necessary and give them the support to be strong or fearless. Here is what I did. What are you planning to do?

1. When elders behave insensitively

We had a few relatives over for dinner. And my younger son was a butt of their jokes as he was a little slow in the board game. According to the Indian system these things are common and a matured person has to overlook these. But my elder son pitched in and asked everyone in a firm tone to stop teasing his brother and that he did not like it. ‘Is this the way you speak to your elders? came an instant response. But I walked up, put my arms around my kid’s shoulders, smiled and said ‘I am proud of the way you looked over your brother today’. There was pin drop silence but who cared.

2. Too much ordering

I hate the way my husband makes the boys run constant errands. That’s the way he is despite requests. We all were watching television and he was asking them to go get one thing after another. My boys, on being asked the 3rd time refused to get up and said ‘sorry dad, we are tired and we want to see this movie’ my hubby was offended but I turned around to him, saying that I agreed with the boys and that it wasn’t a matter of respect but basic humanity.

3. When people don’t practice what they preach

There was a religious ceremony at home. And the priest who was presiding over it was a bit brash and loud. When my kid dropped a few fruits from a tray near him, he started yelling at me saying that kids should not be allowed here. My valley school kid instantly retorted back saying ‘’ you shouldn’t shout at anyone. Educated people talk softly!’. He looked at my son piercingly and then at me. But I knew my kid was right, so I hugged him and said nothing.

4. Humiliation

My mom in law came to visit us and she went on and on and on putting me down in front of my child. They all do. My son who sat there watching the nonstop drama asked her to go and do what she wanted in her house and mommy would  do as she pleased here in her house. She was zapped at the reply and expected me to scold him but I don’t know from where I got the courage to tell her that he was right and she had to stop trying to put her head in everything and get some rest!

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5. The inconsiderate VIPs

We were invited at a VIP event and the chief guest turned in 3 hours late. When we were introduced to him my son asked him ‘did you also always go late to school?’ we were so upset waiting that me and my husband preferred to look straight into the chief guest’s face rather than feeling awkward. He paused apologised for the delay and moved on hurriedly to the next couple.

I love my kids! Wish I can be more like them.

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