5 Reasons Why kids don’t listen to parents

children don't listen and it's for a reason- Parenting resources by ZenParent

All parents wish they did but the fact is kids don’t. Most of the time. And parents wonder what happens to the otherwise obedient, quiet kids while they are in school and when they come home. ‘No’ seems to be the favourite answer and turning a deaf ear- their favourite past time. And that makes ‘why don’t my kids listen to me’ the most haunting question parents forever have but rarely seem to find an answer for.  If treating the symptoms hasn’t helped till now then maybe it’s time to look inwards at the problem and maybe the target could be hit this time.

1. Are we too demanding? – It has been passed skilfully from generation to generation with a great value tag attached to it. Mostly, all parents have some time or the other been scolded or ordered by their parents or elders to do something without an explanation or a valid reason. This is because we are conditioned to obey and respect our elders no matter what they say. And we expect the same from our kids. If my kid doesn’t listen to me, he does not respect me enough as an elder and that is a huge warning bell. So, we unreasonably demand respect from our kids and expect that they listen to us all the time but kids need answers and if we give them only commands, they will not listen!

children stop listening for valid reasons at times- Parenting resources by ZenParent

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2. Do we treat our kids right? – We constantly remind our kids that they are big enough to behave or be responsible, but do we treat them accordingly? Maybe not. Kids, no matter what their age, want to be spoken to like an adult and respected enough. Just like we would not yell at or snub any adult if they did things their way, kids need to feel respected too. If their opinion is completely ignored (even unknowingly), they will not listen.

3. Do we accept their individuality? – Each kid is a unique individual with a different blue print and may have a perspective and viewpoint that does not match with his parents. We generally slap our way of doing things on our kids and try to submerge their originality & thinking ability and then wonder why they cannot manage on their own. Kids want their ideas and opinions to be heard and acknowledged just like everyone else and when they don’t feel valued and appreciated, they will not listen.

when children don't pay heed to what you tell them- Parenting resources by ZenParent

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4. Do we give them enough quality time? – Although kids appear to prefer gifts and toys more, what they need more is attention and time from parents. Attention does not mean always taking care of their clothes, health and food but spending uninterrupted time with them. Letting them know verbally or through actions that they are loved unconditionally (and not only when they behave or get good marks) and reassuring them that we, as parents, will be there for them- no matter what. It highly reflects in the way we prioritize our kids above other things. This satiates kids from within and they develop a healthy, loving bond with their parents. If the kids feel unloved and unwanted they will not listen.

5. Are we setting a good example? – This is a thumb rule for parenting. We cannot preach what we don’t practice. If we don’t listen to what others try to tell us or don’t basically do the things that we are asking our kids to do we cannot expect them to listen to us. Children learn more by observing than instructions and always look up to parents as role models. If kids notice that parents don’t follow the very rules they are setting they will lose faith and will not listen.

Parents undergo a lot of stress not only due to kids but also due to other pressures from society & relatives regarding handling their kids. But sometimes breaking a little away from the jaded patterns and norms creates more room for desired results and lasting happiness.

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