5 reasons behind communication gaps between parents and children

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We talk to our children the whole day, day after day. But how much do we communicate with them? Wondering what am I saying? Well yes, there is a catch here. There has to be a reason why many parents complain and get frustrated about their inability to get their point of view across to their kids and fail to get them to cooperate. Are we, as parents, missing out on the many chances of connecting with our kids, by using a certain kind of language (verbal and body), which we are so habituated to… that we land up pushing our kids away, making them feel disrespected, unappreciated and unworthy?

Let’s find out the truth.

Now these could be simple examples we all encounter on a daily basis and I am sure they will ring a bell as you read along. The whole idea is to not stop being the alert, concerned and caring parent you are, but to just change the tone of your voice and replace a few negative words with positive ones that help you get through more effectively.

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1. You order and you have pushed them to the border-

‘Stop that right now!’

‘Go to your room immediately!’

‘Don’t compare!’

‘Don’t talk like that’

I hate it, you hate it and the whole world hates it. Except for the army personnel who have no choice, most of us prefer to walk away from the over inhibiting circumstances and people.

How about saying something like this instead.

‘I really feel hurt when you behave like this or do this’

‘How about going to your room for now and we can do this later?’

2. Warn… in vain –

‘You just wait and watch’

‘If you don’t listen to me you are going to be sorry!’

‘Go away now or else you will be punished’

Er..What if your kid turns around one day no longer afraid of your warnings & threats and refuses to do what you are asking him to?

Sticky situation eh? Try this before it’s too late

‘What you are doing is making me worried that you might get hurt and because of that I cannot relax.’

‘I understand this is important for you but I am busy and so shall not be able to solve your problem. Can we definitely talk about this after an hour?’

3. Nag and you have brought down the white flag –

‘Your thinking is wrong’

‘You always mess up’

‘I don’t think you can do this’

What if someone told you this all the time? Can you feel the anger swelling within you already? This sounds better doesn’t it?

‘I believe in you and I am sure you will do this well’

‘So what, we all make mistakes, how about trying it again’

‘Want to try doing this in a different way.

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4. Preach and they will go out of reach-‘You should always do that’

‘You shouldn’t sit like this’

‘You shouldn’t eat like this’

‘When I was your age…..’

Don’t let your kids feel torn apart between being unique individuals and your photocopies. Let them breathe

‘I have a few suggestions and ideas if you need them’

‘The way you were behaving, made me feel a little uncomfortable around guests. I think we need to talk about it’

5. Call them names and they will turn the game-

‘Oh look at my 1 year old baby crying’

‘Come here you little monkey’

Before saying anything we must pause and place ourselves in our kids’ shoes. If we feel ridiculed by a certain name they will most probably resonate the same feeling and hence there are no alternatives here but to stop using those names to describe our kids and belittle them.

Our kids deserve the same amount of acceptance and respect as we would give to any elder person or to a guest visiting us. How do we converse with them although we may not agree with them completely?  Our kids need to be spoken to in the same manner. Sounds like an uphill task but it is achievable especially when it dawns on us that we unintentionally end up pushing the very kids away from us for whom we go out on a limb to do everything for.

Click here to know how to talk to a quiet child to help him open up…

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