5 absurd things people say after you have two kids!

“When is your delivery?” asked a fellow walker a month and a half after I had delivered my second baby.

I was mortified. Yet wouldn’t it have been nice of her to first enquire before putting me through another low of depression?

Always a size M, I went up to size XL and even XXL after the births of my kids.

What people say

“Another, so quickly?” Is it really that much a rarity for you to ask me this so incredulously? Why else do you think I am lugging around this huge diaper bag and checking on the husband who is holding the newborn?

“Ah, both boys are so tough no? Girls would have been so much nicer.” Don’t you think I am aware of my predicament? Also how is pointing out things I have no control over or cannot predict, ever helpful? In India, there is a huge urban population who are craving to have little girls and are getting boys. Isn’t calling girls better than boys the same thing India has been doing to girls, but in reverse?

“Tsk Tsk. I can’t even imagine living your life.” No mother, I repeat, no mother likes to hear this. No matter how hard the labour, children are precious gifts and every mother knows this in her heart. ‘Bemoaning the fate of mother’ is a seriously hurtful concept. Don’t ever do that to a mother!

What husband says

“I’ll leave you both alone” New mothers need to be alone by themselves. Not with the baby. When the spouse leaves you alone what they are saying is “you are the mom. You handle it.” Truth is new moms don’t know how. They are often scared. Don’t opt out of the solution-making process by saying self serving things, garbed as help to the mother.  You want some quiet and some rest? Guess what, so does the mom! And she really needs it considering its’ her body that has done all the work!

“I thought you’d want to stay at home.” Why? Just because she weighs a lot more and looks tired and unattractive does not mean she is not the same person. Why not opt to head out with the baby? Why not wow the mom by packing all things needed while she gets decked up?

What the Mirror says

Whenever I’d pass by the mirror, while picking up laundry off the floor (which happens all the time) or when straightening the bed covers, I’d take a quick peek at myself. The first time I saw myself after my delivery..... I was aghast. My breasts looked misshapen, sagging and huge. I butt looked double its size. My belly really looked like I was still carrying the baby in it somewhere. Upper arms, for no blessed reason (they weren’t even involved in the baby making process, for heaven’s sake) looked like they were having a dance party of their own up there.

And what to do about it!

Don’t walk away with that picture of your body in your mind. Don’t. Drop the basket and walk to the mirror with attitude. Yes. That’s right. Walk like you are walking on the ramp. Let the hair drop out of the restraining clutch or that stinking scrunchie that’s holding that jooda at the crown of your head. Let it cascade down. Look at yourself. Try another angle. Tilt your head a bit and soon enough you’ll see you do have some problem areas, but overall you are still as gorgeous as you’ve always been.

Memorize this image.

Now carry this mental photo of you as you go along all day.

Hum and sing. Laugh.

Let the judgements slide away. Recognise how much you are going to achieve, regardless of what that auntiji told you!