4 Reasons why I Yell at my kids

I confess, I am a yeller. While hitting our kids is a strict “No No” for many of us, somehow yelling seems to be ok. Heck, many of us feel it is impossible to raise kids without yelling at them! We even yell at our kids saying “If you had done it the first time I asked you to, I WOULDN’T BE YELLING AT YOU!  We feel we have a right to yell at our kids. They are after all our kids and every parent yells at their kids- surely nothing can be wrong with it.  I was under the same impression until one day my 8 year old son started making fun of the way I yell, and then I noticed the tears that sprang to my daughter’s eyes when I shouted at her.  Maybe I should stop ignoring this rightful indignation that they deserve to be screamed at and reflect a little. So, why do I yell?

  • I am lazy: So I am sitting on the couch and I don’t know what my daughter is doing in her room. I need her to get started on her homework. I could get up and go find her, or… I could just yell for her. But would I like my boss to come out of his cabin and call me, or call me on the intercom, or would I like him to yell my name out loud from his cabin? Yelling is disrespectful one realizes when you look at it that way. Something to think about.
  • I don’t have self control: My child is not doing what I want her to do. I do not know how to deal with it. I yell. It is my frustration that I am venting on her. She comes home with a bad report card. I am enraged at her grades. As an adult, instead of getting a grip on the situation, and figuring out how she and I are going to make this better, I am venting it on my child who is probably doing one of three things. One, she is mentally shutting down and not listening to my tirade. Second she is cursing me inside her head (which happens a lot with teenagers – WE should know!) Third and worse of all, she actually starts believing that she’s not good enough and gets depressed.

parent-child-yellingImage Source : Google images under creative licence

  • I don’t know what to do: When my child is acting out in a way that I don’t want him/her to, and I have no tools in my arsenal to handle it, I yell. My child is throwing a tantrum and I don’t know if it is fatigue, or hunger and I am embarrassed, I yell. It is much easier for me to just yell and try to bulldoze my way through instead of being patient and dealing with the root of the problem. Easy short term reprieve.
  • I was raised that way: This is our biggest excuse. “I was raised that way”. It was perfectly acceptable to be yelled at when I was growing up, why it should be unacceptable today! What is the big deal? There is too much analysis paralysis over everything today. We were fine. Our kids will be fine too. If you only want your child to be as good as you are, then by all means, continue on.

Constant yelling is considered a form of emotional abuse. It leads to low self-esteem since the kid feels insecure, unloved and disrespected. Children also become afraid of talking to parents and will try to hide things from them for fear of being yelled at. This definitely takes away from the open communication that we hope to have with our children when they are all grown up. So I decided now is as good a time as any, to relook certain aspects of my parenting.  Can I do better?

Click here for 5 Ways to Stop Yelling at your Kids

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