10 perfectly effective ways to raise a brat no one can stand

Before my husband and I had kids, we sometimes looked at other people’s kids and thought ,“Wow! What a Brat!” We also made some sweeping statements such as, “I would never raise my kids that way.” We looked down our child-free noses and said, “My kid would never behave that way in public.”  Want to raise a bratty, unbearable kid? Read on. On the other hand, if you want a fairly well-behaved one, read on and don’t do any of this.

 

1. Never say No: Parents today, for some reason, shy away from saying ‘No’ to children. This is true especially when affordability is taken out of the equation. We want to be cool parents and therefore, saying ‘No’ becomes even harder. God forbid there is a cool parent next door who says ‘Yes’ to the same hare-brained proposal! Parents who want to raise brats should definitely avoid this word.

2. Offer a Bribe and negotiate: Have you realized that your child is negotiating with you on every task? ‘If you let me watch TV, I will eat’. ‘If you buy me candy, I will do this.’ Slowly but surely you got yourself into this trap. To break out of it, all you need to say is “You need to do this because it is good for you.” No bribes. No negotiations.

3. Flout rules: Children learn best by imitating parents. Therefore, a surefire way to raise a brat is to be one yourself and flout the rules. So, jump those traffic lights, break the rules because you can! When children see your nonchalance for it, they will learn it automatically.

4. Protect them from failure: It can be gut wrenching to watch your kid’s heart break from failure. Therefore, since you don’t want to feel bad, go on and protect them from everything to the best of your ability! Protect them from playground bullies, teacher bullies. A really tough school assignment?  Do half of it at least!

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5. If they cry, all rules are off: Who can bear your child’s whining and crying?! Giving in and just getting them what they want is okay, occasionally. There is no trophy to be won for being the strict parent. But in the end because you were so understanding, your kids will love you because you understood their pain.

6. Clean up their messes: Your kids are a gift from god. Your job is to protect them and keep them happy to the best of your ability. So if they make a mess, you clean it up for them. If they get into trouble, you sort it out for them. After all you get to be a child only once and that is what parents are for!

7. Consider it your job to entertain them: Do you get a little flustered when your child says “I am bored”? Do you scramble around trying to find which board game you can play with them or what book to read to them? Maybe you can build them a Lego castle? You understand their discomfort. If they are an only child, of course you have got to do this stuff. Who else will, right?

8. Indulge the disrespect: Children are too young to really understand what they are doing. Sometimes they may be disrespectful and that is ok. Just brush it aside, they will learn to be respectful when they grow up. Their brains are not yet developed fully and if they mouth off, you have to be the grown up and understand that it is not a big deal.

9. Empty threats: So you need your child to do something and as you read in a book somewhere, there has to be a consequence if they do not do it. You spell it out correctly and yet your child does not care. “No TV for a week for you,” you say. Your child comes back to you begging, “I am sorry, this will not happen again,” he cries, and you also begin to think that it was too harsh a consequence and all happiness is restored in the family. Your child understands that you make empty threats.

10. Buy it All: God knows you had to scrimp and scrounge and beg for every little luxury when you were growing up and today you can hand it all and more to your kid on a silver platter. After all, they are the reason you are working so hard! It seems pointless to deny your child of anything when you can afford it. Nobody learnt anything from deprivation!

(For anyone who might think I was being serious, let me just clarify: Come on, you guys! This is exactly what you shouldn’t do! Unless you want to raise a complete menace to society. In that case, you’ve come to the right place.)

 

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