10 WAYS MOTHERHOOD MAKES US SO LOW MAINTENANCE

It’s just a fact that many high-maintenance women become laid-back after motherhood — by choice or otherwise. Becoming a mother can mean that your happiness is tenuous all the some days — as kids have a very specific way of draining joy from a room as quickly as Mommy’s first glass of wine each evening. Life doesn’t get easier when kids enter the picture, but thankfully contentment can still be achieved if we just lower our standards.

Courtship

Before Kids: Wine and dine me!

After Kids: You had me at merlot. You can go now. Because merlot.

Intimacy

Before Kids: The sun has set. The music is on. Let the bow chicka wow wow commence.

After Kids: Best achieved by watching the same show on the DVR in two different rooms.

“Date Night”

Before Kids: A thoughtfully conceived plan involving reservations, after-dinner drinks, an art gallery, star-gazing, or browsing the collections at a locally owned bookstore.

After Kids: Meh. If we can eat dinner on the couch and watch the news instead of My Little Pony:

Friendship is Magic, that‘s romance.

Going wild

Before Kids: Girls trip to Vegas!

After Kids: A bra-less trip to the supermarket!

Gifts

Before Kids: Give me anything that sparkles, shines, or sings.

After Kids: Give me anything I don’t have to wrap myself. (Except for another picture with a handprint on it. Enough already with the handprint pictures.)

Breakfast in Bed

Before Kids: A leisurely latte, the Sunday Times, maybe a fresh bagel from the deli down the street with cream cheese, smoked salmon, capers, and a sliced tomato.

After Kids: Really, I don’t need to eat. Someone just feed the kids and let me sleep in.

Mothers in Law

Before Kids: Her passive aggressive digs would keep you up at night.

After Kids: You hand her the kids at bedtime so she can perfectly parent them when they refuse to go down.

Culinary Expectations

Before Kids: Eating out is an adventure!

After Kids: Hey, that macaroni and cheese the kids threw on the wall is still warm and didn’ttechnically touch the ground — it just rested precariously on the molding — so that could count as dinner, right?

Alcohol

Before Kids: A post-work reward to be enjoyed in public with friends and coworkers.

After Kids: Essential for survival.

Unfinished business

Before Kids: No puzzle goes unsolved, no bed goes unmade, no hair goes unwashed, and no text goes unanswered.

After Kids: You’re happy if you don’t step on a puzzle piece with your bare feet, someone actually slept in a bed long enough to unmake it, who cares about hair as long as hands are washed, and texts? Wait, has anyone actually seen my phone?

This article was first published in http://www.babble.com/parenting/motherhood-makes-us-low-maintenance/

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